Written by: Dorothy Andreas, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Are you ready to finally take back control of the culture in your company, your family? Harmony may seem to be an elusive butterfly. Preparing yourself with a few intentional steps can shift your situation immediately.
If you believe you are too busy, or worse yet, conflict is not occurring in your endeavors, understand that conflict occurs everywhere. Conflict is responsible for the loss in the U.S. workforce of 385 million working days, and $359 Billion dollars in 2023, according to Harvard Business Review.
Avoidance or denial of issues with no clear pathway to desired results causes confusion. Confusion is where conflict breeds. Use the following three techniques to gain a clear and quick road to peace and harmony.
Three essential elements: Embrace, Empower and Execute
1. Strong leadership requires building your personal awareness muscles first. Embrace your own beliefs. Recognize and accept what conflict means to you, your family, your circle of influence. With this knowledge, you position yourself with a sense of calm strength. Hoping the issues resolve themselves is precisely why they keep cropping up. Being just too busy is not an acceptable excuse. If the very idea of facing conflict terrifies you, remember that you have powerfully survived all of it!
Create a lifelong tool
Embracing what triggers you allows you to respond, not react in certain situations. This will always be a valuable tool. Rest assured, expecting problems normalizes your upset and reduces the entire emotional charge when you are confronted with conflict. The more personal you choose to view the problem, the harder it is to resolve. It is enticing to engage in conflict when it is internally unresolved. Not sure how to identify this? When you hear yourself using the phrase ‘he/she/they/you/or the universe did this to me,’ you have a magnificent opportunity to change your course of emotions by simply removing the words ‘to me.’
Getting involved in the heart of chaos or conflict can become a comfortable pattern. Pattern interruption begins with you catching your negative thoughts and then remembering that people are who they are, not who you wish them to be. You can attract or deflect other people’s behaviors by remembering this one truth; not one of us is powerful enough to change another person. We can only change how other people’s well-practiced ways of being impact us personally.
Empower through fact-finding
2. Once neutral, you Empower yourself through learning more about any situation that arises. Gather all the facts, regardless of whether you agree with the complaints. Others create chaos because they are upset, confused, and afraid. As you empathize with their emotions, you are creating a background to the relationship based on ‘sameness’, not separation. Wars include opposing factions; you want to create unison. Empathy is an ideal way to reduce tensions. If the escalation is disruptive, you can immediately calm things down with this statement, “This is so important, I want to capture the details. Let me step into my office to get a notebook and pen.” The power of the pause is priceless!
Individual perspectives at play
The only person who sees the conflict from your vantage point is you! Not one other person can understand you, because humans are not clairvoyant. Thorough understanding of all details, though a systematic exploration, positions you to be relevant to those whom you lead and serve. Gather details from an array of people, those involved and bystanders whenever possible -only facts, not the stories or opinions!
By sticking to the facts, not the stories, you can stand on firm footing. Trusting yourself to listen, not defending yourself or others, builds trust in those you lead. The very instant we start to defend ourselves; our power has shifted, and we are no longer offensively commanding the conflict to dissolve. Manipulators know this.
Curiosity is a great strategy
When you feel heated, protect yourself by asking more questions, such as “I am interested, and curious, how did you come to this conclusion? Could you please share more?” This one step alone buys you time to gather your internal strength and sends a clear message that you are not to be controlled by their bullying behavior.
Humans tend to put blinders on when there is a chance our ego could get bruised. A common tactic is to cast blame on someone else. If it is your company, your family, or your friend group, you are the one in common with the conflict. As you grow into that comfortable place of self-trust, you will comfortably model positive behavior for others to emulate.
With a clear understanding of facts, you take emotional charge away from how you manage the situation. When it feels rocky, ask yourself why. Get support if needed, this is not always an easy journey to undertake. Take a step back, analyze yourself first, recognize what will pull you away from strength and into unhelpful emotions. Make note when you feel confident. This happens because you are operating in your highest potential zone!
Execute your plan, make it known, documented and regular
3. Execute your plan to reroute conflict before it lands in your lap and affects your bottom line. Pay attention when thighs are going smoothly. Your calm assessment will serve you when things ramp up. Tune into energy shifts that happen when you or others come upon an engaged group of people. If the group tenses up, there is an issue that needs your attention asap.
Pot stirrers cannot help themselves
There may be triangulation happening. This is hard to detect because there are always those who have survived by being masterful employing this tactic. When staff (or family and friends!) want to make you or leadership look bad to take the spotlight off their own poor habits, they go to great lengths. Fear, often subconscious, causes individuals to undermine leadership by implementing manipulative gossip, inserting negative thoughts, and positioning you and your company as flawed.
If you have a high turnover rate, there is a great chance this is happening within your organization. It is easy to avoid this, but systematic and consistent steps must be instituted and upheld. Bold response by you is easy when faced with the decision to lose what you have built. Step in, listen, learn, fix, and set parameters for clear communication.
Positive culture as an implementable system
Happiness, productive hours, increased net profits, a better culture and satisfied clients all improve culture. Clear and consistent communication will always be necessary. As soon as you identify what is working, create the steps as a system or process that is archived into the way you operate your business. Include this in your training and onboarding processes to set up your company for less drama, chaos, and conflict. Consistency, clear rules, non-negotiables, and your attention are all ingredients you must have in place to achieve peaceful profits. Rely upon your systems when conflict arises, trusting that you have set the precedent of acceptable behavior through three steps; embrace your own approach to conflict, empower yourself through fact-finding and empathy, and put your clear and understood plan in place.
For more details on how to create harmony in your personal and professional life, read Conflict Revelation: The 3 Essential Elements for Creating Harmony in Business.
Dorothy Andreas, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dorothy Andreas has been an entrepreneur since 1980. She started 9 businesses, had successful exits, and has employed over 1000 great people. A Keynote speaker since 1995, winner of over 80 awards for business excellence, mentorship, leadership and philanthropy, her passion is her family, business growth, and the charities she holds close to her heart. Dorothy is the author of three best-selling books; Streamline Success: Eliminate Chaos From Your Service Business, Conflict Revelation: The Three Essential Elements for Creating Harmony in Business, and Build A Million Dollar Beauty Business.
