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Making Major Life Decisions ‒ What Happens When You Are Sitting On The Fence?

Written by: Danielle Baron, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.


Making a major life decision, like changing a career or ending a relationship, can be daunting and frightening even if we have made the decision already. But sometimes, being on the fence and uncertain about whether it is the right thing to do can throw even more emotions into the mix, such as confusion and an emotional 'back and forth', which is exhausting. We are on the border of two possibilities a fork in the road which means we are not completely 100% present in either situation. There are many personality types; some people are quick at making decisions and have a strong 'gut instinct' or intuition that helps to guide them along the way. Others find it hard to tune into their intuition to help them to decide and this is where they base their judgments more on the practicalities of the situation. The truth is though, that intuition, 'our sixth sense' or 'unconscious' takes in 95% more information from external sources than our conscious mind, so it is worthwhile tuning into it to listen to what is the best course of action. Sometimes the practical or logical decision is not necessarily the right decision at all and we have seen this with many successful people, like Oprah Winfrey, who have defied the perceived odds to flourish.

As children, we naturally use our intuition but as the years go by, we are socially conditioned to a new way of thinking and knowing, using more of our conscious mind. Intuition indicators vary for each individual but the best way to tap into it is to think about situations in the past when you have made decisions that have gone well. Take time to just be still and in the moment. What were you feeling in your body? Where was the feeling in your body? Was it a specific shape? Colour? Mass? Was it stationary or flowing?

Then to think of situations in your life when decisions have gone terribly wrong and to ask yourself the same questions as the previous. This will give you an indication of how your intuition signals to you and what you want to ignore to avoid making the wrong decisions. This strategy is related to NLP and is very useful for coaching.

We must be careful that what we want is not from an ego-led perspective. That will only serve to provide you with a quick hit of pleasure which will just as quickly disperse. A great activity to see what is your 'yes' and what is your 'no' is something called the Sway Test. The book, 'The Emotion Code', by Dr Bradley Nelson talks about this. The Sway Test is based on the theory that all organisms will 'respond to positive or negative stimuli, like plants do when the sun is out. When the sun is in one direction, they will be drawn towards it.

What though, if however much you try, you cannot tap into your intuition? Most people have the ability, but it sometimes takes time. What if you don't have time?

This is where some drama and visualisation come into play. Before we talk about this, some of you may be saying: 'But I cannot visualise. I find it hard to imagine things.' Anyone who has parked their car in a parking space and visualised where it is to get back to it again CAN visualise. We all have the capacity to do this.

There are many coaching models, but ultimately it is about the client in front of you and their needs, strengths, and weaknesses. The first thing to discuss is the ISSUE at hand. Lots of clients will say what they don't want but they struggle to think of what they DO want instead. So it's really important to drill down what you deeply yearn for and if you believed life was supporting you, what you would create what the next level is for you. The next stage is the GOAL. If you are struggling to make a decision, it might be worth starting with the emotions that you would like to feel instead, and your needs for happiness. It is important to specifically describe your feelings and what your goal would look like, even down to the details of your surroundings. What will you be saying to yourself? How will your decision impact others? Sometimes a client can only see one way a decision will impact others, but it is the coach's job to reframe it for them to show them that it could be a variety of outcomes, and lots that could be positive. For example, a client may feel that if they change career, they will have to start over again as a beginner. It is important to show them the possibility that the skills they have already learned and experienced (formal or informal) will be transferable and make them more effective and accelerate them even more. Or a client who wants to leave a relationship but feels that the children will resent them…it is possible the children would be happier rather than experiencing arguments between the two parents daily.

There will be some underlying beliefs affecting the client's inability to make decisions. Our experiences affect our thoughts, which affect our feelings, which affect our beliefs, which affect our behaviour. Maybe the client feels they will fail if they make this major life decision because they failed before when making a similar decision. It's about getting to the core of those unhelpful beliefs and challenging them.

Another effective coaching strategy is to ask the client what this current situation has cost them already. Who have you hurt, including yourself, by staying in this situation? What's missing from your life because of these beliefs and the situation? What has never been in your life because of these beliefs and the situation?

What will never be in your life if you carry on in the same situation with the same beliefs? How will you feel in five years, ten years stuck in the same situation?

Ultimately, the decision you make will have pros and cons, but you do not really know what the outcome will be until you take the leap and just do it!

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Danielle Baron, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Danielle catalyses children and adults to rise like a phoenix from the flames 🔥 and to reach their optimum potential. She is an entrepreneur, inspiring 11+ and 7+ entrance exams tutor, rapid transformational therapist®️, business coach for overachievers, a life coach for all, an NLP Master practitioner and she is also certified by the ILM.

One of Danielle’s much loved abilities is being an overachiever because she thrives on the excitement and follows her passion, which is to help people live fulfilling lives.

Over the last five years of her tuition business, Danielle has become extremely popular and respected in the tuition industry and is a mentor and coach to other tutors, to help them increase revenue in their businesses, but ultimately to be the best tutors they can be. Her own tuition service incorporates coaching for parents and children throughout the exam process and NLP classes for children to help them with lack of confidence, bullying, anxiety and to help them focus on the imminent goal of exams and to visualise and believe in their success.

Danielle’s second business, coaching and therapy, has been a long time coming and her personal interest in people and psychology led her to investing in the most high-quality courses to be the best for her clients. For her rapid transformational therapy ®️, she had the privilege of personally being mentored by Marisa Peer, world renowned therapist. Rapid transformational therapy is a combination of NLP, CBT, psychotherapy and hypnosis.

It has been Danielle’s personal experiences which have led her to where she is today. At age four, her father died of suicide, which installed in her a determination to help prevent people ever becoming despaired again. Her best friend passed away at fifteen, which solidified Danielle’s determination of living life to the full. Growing up with a single parent, they struggled with money but Danielle was very inspired by her mother’s work ethic, which had a huge impact on her.

As a teacher in some schools, the politics and bullying amongst staff was toxic and she suffered from depression, stress and burnout and was treated badly at her most vulnerable time of being pregnant and having a newborn and that’s why she’s passionate about helping teachers. She wishes that she had someone to help her at the time.

She has been through the journey of setting up successful businesses on her own, while undertaking childcare as a single parent of two, after she divorced, and strongly believes anyone can achieve anything they put their mind to with grit, focus and passion.


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