Written by: Mark D. Lakowske, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It’s October and in America, (and many other parts of the world) it’s fall! The colors are changing, the days grow shorter and there’s a chill in the air.
The season’s transition always makes me think of the beauty of letting go and personal change. It also makes me think of the fear of change as well. Perhaps it’s because of Halloween’s festive frights?
For a lot of people change and fear do go hand in hand. It’s only natural to fear what is unclear or unknown. Our minds are trying to keep us safe... but in that preservation, it can lead to something counterproductive for our wellbeing & growth.
As a Hypnotherapist & Therapeutic coach, I’ve noticed that many people fear change (or doing the work of change) to the point that they would forgo better jobs, new living situations, healthy relationships and even just being truly happy.
Our dreams and aspirations, our ideas & goals are important powerful forces... yet fears and limiting beliefs in & around the necessary change that it will take to achieve them often appears stronger to many people. Fear can make us question or forget how strong and resilient we actually are.
The fear will try to hold you back by saying things like "You’re not good enough", "You can't do this", "This is crazy, what are people going to think", "They can do it but you can't.". Or perhaps an even subtler fear called procrastination makes you feel like not taking action right now.
Serenity Raven-Wolf says “Magic happens when we stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being excited about what could go right.”
Fear is always going to be there... especially when you are leveling up... but here’s the thing, it’s your job to make what you want bigger than the fear. Ask yourself, “Are my dreams more important than fear?” Are you willing to work with the fear and let it light a fire under you to get you moving or will you let the flames consume you? Will you choose yourself or fear?
When there is something that I really want for my life (especially if it’s big, and frankly our dreams should scare us a bit because it will motivate us.) you better believe I’m scared but here’s what I say to myself – “You might be scared, but do it anyway.”
When I decided to go to Australia I was scared. I had a lot of fears and doubts rolling around in my head, let alone people putting their own fears upon me. I could have easily said “Nope, I’m not doing this!”; but I had always wanted to go so I was going to make it happen. I pushed past the doubts and when I did – the way for me to go around the world presented itself. I had my “How”, I was going to teach a workshop, but it brought more fears! Still, I focused on “Why” I was doing this teaching opportunity. Before long I had doubled my time, my classes & even countries. Pushing through the fear led to an even greater experience than I had ever hoped for.
When you can look fear in the face and stare it down and let it know what is important to you then the fear will quiet after a while... but it is always there. It’s about learning to live with it and use it to your advantage.
So how do you push past the fear so you can move towards your dreams?
First, meet yourself right where you are at. You might be fearful and that’s okay. You’re thinking about/doing something new. It’s normal to feel apprehensive. Emotions, like people just want to be acknowledged. Talk to the fear. Yes, I’m serious! Talk to the fear.
Let it know what the dream is and why it’s important to you. Once acknowledged & the fear can understand your “why/desire” the fear can begin to shift.
Remember you don’t need to know all the steps, you just need one step and you have to be willing to take it. That small step in the right direction is still a step! One step will lead to the next and the next. You just have to keep taking them. Stepping out of your comfort zone can lead to positive possibilities you may not have considered!
Decide, choose & endeavor to make your desire bigger and stronger than your fear. Don't let the fear stop you. Your dreams are worth it! You are worth it! Full disclosure, I never used to be one to really like change and I feared it. Heck I still get scared of change – When I was offered this opportunity to write for BRAINZ Magazine fear spoke up. It said “Who the hell are you to write for a global publication? No one is going to care what you have to say when they have all these other articles to choose from. Remember in school you were really bad in English class?”
My mission spoke louder though. It said “Remember who you are. Remember all that you’ve been through in your life. Your unique perspective might help someone. Your mission is to inspire others and help them towards their true potential and remember how resilient they are.” This magazine has given me a huge platform to do that, so fear can take a back seat - desire is driving this car!
Appreciate what you can do. I may have failed English class in school, but I know I’m a good writer – That I can do... for the rest I have proofreaders to edit and fix my punctuations! Also remember you can do more than some and you can do more than you think. Let what you are capable of right now be the foundation of your ability to do anything.
Studies have shown that practicing visualizations, even thinking or talking about your success, will more likely lead to the success you want. Have you ever heard of the phrase start from the ending and work your way backward? This is what you are doing. See yourself achieving your goal, imagine it going 100% the way you want it to go. Ask your subconscious mind “What was the step I took right before I achieved my dream?” then ask “What was the step before that?” Work your way back to the moment you're at right now to get a general idea of what it will take.
This will also help you let go of the old story of “just how it’s always been”, or “I can’t do it, I’m not good enough”. You’ll be showing your mind that you can achieve & in essence saying “and here’s how!” This shapes the new you and helps you identify with your new possibilities. Who are you when you’ve succeeded in the past? Who are you when you imagine reaching your goals? Who will you be when you are living your dream? Tell that story.
Whenever I desire something I always look to people who’ve done it before. If they can do it, then so can I. What did they do? How are they behaving and what are they doing differently that I should be doing too? You always want to be true to who you are, but you can model aspects from others who are living the life you want. In this same vein, it’s important to surround yourself with supportive people. I don’t share my dreams with just anyone. Only those who will encourage me and believe in the idea too, get to know what’s going on! Let as little negativity, naysaying or other people’s own biases/beliefs in on your goals as possible. We don’t need to feed the fear monster.
When fear starts to interject its feeble opinion you need to turn those opinions right back around and return to sender! A good way to do this is to ask “what if?”. In NLP this is called a re-frame. It’s a shift in mindset. “What if you could do it?”, “What if it works out?”, “What if I succeed, how would that be great for me?”.
When we accept that all life IS change and allow ourselves to flow with it rather than push against it in fear it makes things a bit more manageable. As I’ve gotten older I've come to embrace change. I still am fearful (especially when my goals are huge), but I know I have to walk my talk. One of my colleagues once said to me “Mark you’re like the Madonna of hypnotists or a Phoenix. You just keep reinventing yourself and coming back better and better.” I guess I am leading by example.
I encourage you to push yourself, push past the fear and go for it! Not only will you feel better and achieve something that you only once dreamt about; but also you never know how you are inspiring someone else to say F-you to their fear so they can live a better life too.
Your Favorite Hypnotist,
Mark D. Lakowske CTC® CMHT®
Mark D. Lakowske, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Multiple award-winning & internationally renowned clinical hypnotherapist Mark D. Lakowske has trained practitioners worldwide in his groundbreaking methods. Through this and his own practice, he has helped improve the lives of tens of thousands of people in countries ranging from the United States to Australia & New Zealand. Mark is an author of three books & regularly tours the world, contributing ideas to the development of hypnotherapy practice. His passion & drive is assisting people to overcome the overwhelming & live with more confident joy & happiness!
