How Not to Lose Game With a Narcissist
Written by: Lucie Hanzlickova, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Before we dive into this topic, I would like to mention why Narcissistic people play mind games. They want power and control over their victims. They want something valuable from their chosen person for a low cost. It could be literally anything they desire and usually don't have, or they want more of it, such as success, career, money, wealth, health, friends, sex. Narcissists thrive on chaos, and that's why they are very dangerous in many areas of our lives, like the workplace, friendships, family, relationships.
They want to take attention from others on them. They want to be in the center of the spotlight. They want to feed their ego, and they are willing to do whatever it takes to use victims in their manipulative games. Victim (also called supply) doesn't have any meaning to them apart from WHAT, and HOW they can get it from them without giving anything back. This topic is already way too complicated so let's keep it simple and talk about love relationships.
Narcissists prioritize power over intimacy. They don't get emotionally attached. They don't love. They don't care about anyone else but themselves and their needs. Playing games allows them to meet their needs and keep their options open to flirt or date multiple partners. They are empty people who are hungry for YOUR empathy, respect, loyalty, commitment, love, body, and soul. They want a toy to play with. A marionette that will do what they want, how they want, and they will not stop using it until they break it.
They will keep squeezing until the last drop, and when they are done, they will throw the toy away or keep it while playing with another "toy"... Narcissistic people like to play, and they have all moves thought-out like in a chess game. Every possible move their victim makes, they are ready. They are prepared for obstacles. Their ego need that adrenaline from hunting their prey. Have you ever thought why it is called mind GAMES?
To play you out, and you will play!
Oh, I know how much you will play this game, even if you don't want to...and they know it too! First, you play because you are falling for all the love bombs and affection you get, and you like it. You feel so special. Then you play because something was taken away from you, and you want it back.
You think you have done something wrong, so you have to try harder to win them back. Then you play because you realize that you were probably not the one who was the problem, and you want to prove you are right. You want to defend yourself, tell them how much they are wrong about you by blaming you. Then you got to the point you want to change them or save their evil soul because you can't get away. You hope if you can change them, it will be like it was in the beginning. The only thing that keeps you alive is hope they will turn back to that person you saw initially.
You hope that you can get that person back! You love that person. You don't understand what is going on at this point, and you are confused. You are trapped...
You still don't understand that the person you saw, in the beginning, was only a mask. It was never real, but you don't want to see it, and you are moving in the circle now. Then you maybe get into a realization that you need to get away, and you try, and you keep trying, but for some reason, you keep coming back! You can't break away, and even when you do, they still playing with the strings. It seems almost impossible to cut the ties.
So now what?!
I want you to look at this as a GAME! A game is when someone wants to play. The game is always two or more parties involved. You can't play on your own. As long as you play their game, the game is still on while they hold the strings and manipulate you.
There are only two ways out of this, and you are the only person who has that power to decide if this game is still ongoing or if you had enough. Not them, not anyone else. It's YOU and only YOU who defines how is this go forward.
Remember that you are not powerless! Remember this, even if they make you think they have all the power. You have options. You can quit, or you can play them back and try to win! I usually don't give people advice, but I will make an exception this time.
Before you step on thin ice, make sure you know as much as you can about narcissistic behavior. They don't play by rules, they don't play to win, they play to destroy, and you can lose more than you think. You can lose not just material things but your home, friends, family, health, soul, YOU, sadly, even your life. Don't underestimate the danger of narcissism.
I would highly recommend not to play!
My advice is to quit the game. If you refuse to play the game, there is no game. But, if you still want to play, then play to win. Use their tactics against them. You have to know them better than they know themselves. Stay confident. Don't let them shake you. Don't even make them think they can surprise you.
How much do you know about Poker? I don't know much, but I know this. You either have cards or bluff you have cards, and you can always drop the cards! The number one rule is to remember, and I would carve that in stone if I could.
Narcissists never change!
They will make you think they can change and convince you they will change. Never ever trust them. As soon as you realize who you are dealing with, shut down. This is something that has to switch in your head. You can't change them. If you keep trying to change them or keep hoping you are still in the game!
You have to see the truth and protect yourself. I will teach you a new mind game. Powerful game that will help you to win, and you can use it anytime you start falling for their manipulation. Let's play.
I want to encourage you to imagine that you have the switch off the button vividly. It could be in your head or anywhere on your body, maybe heart. This button allows you to shut down and stop your abuser's influence and your reactions towards them that you would typically send out. Look at it and see what color it has, what's size and shape? How is it feel in your hand?
Now imagine you put your hand on that button and switch. What sound does it make when you switch? Say it loud. Use it anytime you need it. If the button tempts to switch back on again, go back and switch off and repeat as many times as you need until it stays in the same off position.
This will not stop your emotions, but it will help you control them and not act on them immediately. So you have time to think and prepare yourself for the next battle. Let your narcissist know you got your power back, and they can't change it or control your button. It's hidden from them. This is your hidden weapon to protect you.
When they hit hard with more drama (they will), bluff your calmness even if you don't feel like it. Don't show them any reaction, no tears, no anger, no nothing. Keep a poker face. When they can't read you, it will drive them crazy. They know they are losing, so they will try to provoke you. Use your switch off button.
Your ego may try to tell you to fight them, defend yourself, prove them wrong. Talk to your ego and say, "I know you want to win. I know this is not fair, and you want justice, but my soul wants peace. We are not playing anymore!"...and switch off.
Now you can decide if you want to keep playing BY YOUR rules or drop the cards. Either way, don't forget you have one more task to do if you want to win. You have to cut all the strings narcissists holding! Cut them off so they can not control you anymore.
You got the scissors. You had them all this time. You just didn't see them. Look into your pocket and take them out. Shall we play our game again to help you? Vividly imagine you holding scissors, feel the cold steel, heaviness, and sharpness in your hands. Find the string and cut, then another one. Cut them all until you are free.
The moment you walk away, the game is over. You don't respond. The game is over. You close every single access back to you. The Game is over.
You take nothing.
You give nothing.
You are rock.
Lucie Hanzlickova, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Lucie is an Accredited Coaching Master helping women healing from toxic relationships and taking back control of their life by guiding them through a proven formula, step by step. She is a survivor of multiple abusive relationships that has been affecting her life journey since her childhood and she was able to break the circle. Lucie believes that she went through her life challenges to be the light for those still lost in the dark, and she is on the mission to support women who self-sabotage their life, relationships, or work career/business. She believes that every single woman has power and enormous potential to awake their inner warrior and have the ability to create a life they always wanted regardless of their past—Awareness/Support/Empowerment.