How I Stopped Proving My Blackness
- Brainz Magazine
- Apr 28
- 3 min read
Tony Smith is a Logistics Officer in the U.S. Army and a West Point graduate with a strong commitment to mental health advocacy. As the host of the Man Down Podcast, he empowers men to embrace vulnerability and challenge toxic masculinity while fostering open conversations about mental health awareness.
What does it mean to belong when the world keeps moving the goalposts? For years, I chased an invisible standard, believing I had to act, speak, and live a certain way to validate the skin I was born in. But identity isn't something you audition for; it's something you claim. This is not just a story about race. It's a story about freedom, self-worth, and the power to define yourself before anyone else tries to.
The complexity of identity
Growing up in Katy, TX, and later attending the United States Military Academy, I’ve often found myself grappling with the complexities of my identity as an African American. It's a journey filled with nuanced experiences, self-discovery, and the ongoing struggle to define what it means to be "Black" in a predominantly white community.
The weight of proving expectations
From an early age, I felt the weight of expectations, both from within my community and the broader society. I often heard comments like, “Hey Tony, you talk white,” or “Why do you always hang out with white people? You’re an Uncle Tom.” These phrases became a source of internal conflict, leaving me feeling like an outsider, caught between two worlds. I struggled with the notion of being “not Black enough,” a sentiment that left me feeling isolated and questioning my own identity.
Seeking connection and brotherhood
In seeking connection, I gravitated towards spaces where I felt celebrated rather than tolerated. This pursuit led me to join Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Incorporated, the first intercollegiate historically African American fraternity, founded in 1906. The fraternity was established during a time of significant racial discrimination and social injustice, aiming to provide support and a sense of brotherhood among African American men in higher education. Joining Alpha Phi Alpha was a step toward embracing my heritage and connecting with a lineage of leaders, thinkers, and activists. It was a way to align myself with the values that figures like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and my father championed.
A shift in perspective
However, as I progressed through my personal and academic journey, something profound began to shift within me. I realized that I didn’t need to prove my Blackness to anyone. My identity is not defined by the perceptions of others or constrained by societal expectations. I am a human being with a unique story, experiences, and aspirations. I am Tony Joshua Smith, one of a kind.
The importance of self-acceptance
This revelation is crucial for anyone navigating similar feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt. Whether you find yourself needing to prove your identity to a community, organization, or even loved ones, it's essential to recognize that you are not a monolith. Your identity is multifaceted and should not be boxed in by others' perceptions.
Embracing uniqueness
In a world that often seeks to categorize and label, it’s vital to embrace the complexity of who you are. Your worth is not contingent on external validation; it is inherent and irreplaceable.
Conclusion: Living authentically
As I reflect on my journey, I am reminded of Dr. King’s dream for a future where individuals are judged by the content of their character rather than the color of their skin. This ideal resonates deeply with me and reinforces the importance of self-acceptance.
Ultimately, we each have the power to create and mold our own realities and identities. Embrace your uniqueness, honor your journey, and remember that you are a vital and irreplaceable part of the tapestry of humanity. Your story matters, and you have the right to live it authentically and unapologetically.
Read more from Tony J. Smith
Tony J. Smith, Mental Health Advocate | Motivational Speaker
Tony Smith is a dedicated Logistics Officer in the United States Army, currently serving with the Soldier Recovery Unit at Fort Cavazos, TX. A proud graduate of West Point and 2019 Class President, Tony has held various leadership roles, including Rugby Team Captain, Fuel and Water Platoon Leader, and Battalion S4. As a passionate Mental Health Advocate, he hosts the Man Down Podcast, where he encourages men to embrace vulnerability and break free from toxic masculinity. Through his work, Tony aims to spread awareness and foster open conversations about mental health. Join him on this journey toward healing and growth.
