Written by: Dale Darley, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
As the year draws to a close, I wonder if your thoughts about what you wanted at the beginning of the year are the same as what you want next year? Did you have a having it all plan? Where this year you would get there – wherever there was?
I know when I started the year, what I desired is not what I now desire. Something happened in lockdown that made me re-assess what was important to me, and I undertook a massive declutter. I asked do I love doing this and does it bring me joy? For a large part, the answer was no.
I had thought that the path that I was on would give me everything I wanted, but sadly it didn’t give me what I needed. So I took a risk and stopped doing something I had dedicated my life to for over ten years.
My vision board was wiped clean, and I dug deep – what did I really want, and what would give me my sense of having it all?
There were some funny memories of me not long after being expelled, telling my friends that despite being kicked out, I would run a massive company and change the world. Oh, the folly of youth!
But that’s what I did back then. I had my ‘have it all plan’ and ticked the boxes for great health, perfect job, wonderful man, and a whole raft of other nice to have. I never thought about how I would balance all of these things with the adventure of life. Or that life isn’t sipping nectar and riding around on unicorns.
I learned over the years that having it all is a myth. How often have you come across someone with what seems like the perfect life, only to discover that it... is all a sham. I don’t know about you, but I have been stressed and angry on the way to a level of burnout.
What life also taught me is that it’s about balance.
There needs to be a striking of balance between all of the having it all things and reality. I needed to balance all of the factors that would shape my journey and help me achieve my goals. When I stepped back, it became about when and where to put my attention, which part of the balancing act needed my focus at any given time.
Striking balances requires constant feedback from all of its factors, where communication, perspective, and being in tune with conditions around them and you are key. It’s also about knowing what’s important to you at any given time and balancing that against the external forces that pull you towards something that is not based in reality.
I realized that when I found what created balance in my life, I did actually have it all – my version of having it all – my way.
I have it all because everything I do is connected with my values, vision, passion, and purpose. I’ve let the things that cause me grief go, and I can tell you it was both liberating and scary.
When you are truly connected to who you are, doing what you love, you can have it all because you know what you want and aren’t trying to live up to some ideal set by anyone else.
Having it all changes.
Can you remember striving for your first job and getting there and thinking mmm where next, what is my next fabulous role, how much will I be paid, what are the rewards? What can I buy with my dosh? I can. Then as life and priorities changed, you wanted different things – maybe great schools for the kids or pet-friendly hotels for the holidays. Until eventually, life in the fast lane slows down, and perhaps you fancied disappearing into the sunset with your campervan for a year's sabbatical.
When you look at it, having it all has always been a moving feast that changes as your life and needs change, you perhaps didn’t realize it before. I know I sort of did, but not really, until this year.
My advice is to declutter your life. This is one of the first steps I advise my clients. Get rid of stuff so that when you stand in the field of opportunities, there isn’t any rubbish standing in the way of your desires.
Now that I have decluttered, I am ready to refocus my vision and have it all equation. This year has changed me – again. I am sure it has you. Let me ask you…
What makes up your having it all equation?
What do you need to balance with what?
Stand in the field of possibilities and choose to have it all your way. Get out there and grab every opportunity.
For more information, please visit my website!
Dale Darley, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dale works with her clients to help them to discover the magic in their story through the power of writing, journaling, and energy work. Dale is an expert at getting your story out, finding the essence of who you are, what you want to become, and supporting you to get what you want through coaching and programs. She believes that writing heals, and her vision and mission is to create a community of people who find clarity, purpose, and meaning through their writing. That these people go on to inspire others to know what is possible in the world. Dale holds an MBA from The University of Glamorgan and an ILM Level 7 Executive Coaching certificate. She served in senior marketing management roles in the IT and manufacturing sectors before working for herself.