Updated: Mar 31, 2020
Is fear holding you back from creating the changes you want in life?
Fear have been a major hindrance in my life, in my pursuit of happiness and fulfillment. I’ve felt held back by fear and at times even blind sited. Lost. Off track. And feeling ashamed of being in that lost and lonely place too. Fearing can be a tiresome business and it can be detrimental to our emotional and mental health, not the least to our self-image. I’d say it is well worth our time to understand how we can relate to fear in a more constructive way!
Being fearful isn’t a nice space to be in. When we feel stuck in fear that feeling is usually accompanied with feelings of loneliness like we are the only one being stuck, not knowing WHAT to do or HOW the hell we are going to be able to move forward and get what we want.
In this article I’ll help you to get close and comfy with your fears, give you another way of relating to fear and take you to an understanding of your fears that will allow you to overcome them. Basically, I’ll show you how you can follow your fears to freedom!
”I made changes in basically all areas of my life.”
Some years ago, when I decided that I wanted to act on my will to create a life I’d love to live it soon became clear to me that I would have to build up a lot of decisiveness and determination. And even more so strengthen my courage to be able to follow through and act towards my wanted outcome.
I made changes in basically all areas of my life. For every decision I made, every comfort zone expanded and limiting belief I face, fear arose in me as certain as the sun goes up in the morning.
Many times, the changes I went through felt overpowering and overwhelming.
It was, and sometimes still is, a tuff fight but always worth it! Why? Because I want the freedom to live my life passionately as an expression of me. And I’m guessing that so do you!
The thing about fear is that it keeps us in the past. We want to create new circumstances and move forward with our change, but we often feel unable to for many reasons. We might feel inadequate, not able to or just plain stuck not knowing how to do about making those changes happen.
So, let’s get right at it; what is needed in order to be able to use our fears instead of getting sidetracked and stuck in it?! The answer to that question is radical self-inquiry!
Our brains have an inbuilt negative bias and will tells us all the reasons of why not to go ahead with ‘whatever it is that scares us’.
What happens when we get into a fearful space is that we lose contact with the present awareness and the part of our brains that makes for good analysis. Our brains have an inbuilt negative bias and will tells us all the reasons of why not to go ahead with ‘whatever it is that scares us’. An ability, which from an evolutionary point of view have served us well, and to some extent still do. But we can be smarter and more conscious than to let that bias rule us. When embarking on new wanted endeavors, we can start by keeping this understanding of negative bias in mind when overcoming our fears pushing through our comfort zones.
What tends to keep us stuck is our own fearful perception and interpretation of the situation, of ourselves and even our idea of life itself. In order to make change, to use our awareness of our fears moving into freedom we need to take a closer look at what it is we are thinking, and in order to do that we need to be aware and willing to take inventory in the form of radical self-inquiry!
In my experience it is our ‘inner critics’ and our self-doubt that hinder us the most. I’m not saying that there aren’t outside factors that stand in our way, or that makes life more difficult, however what I do want to emphasize is that there is usually a way to make the changes we want. And history have shown this time and time again. So when we become aware of our thinking and our unconscious dispositions we get an idea of what is needed to be done.
We need to be willing to make the radical self-inquiry needed in order to become aware of what is holding us back. Why am I calling it RADICAL self-enquiry? That is because it demands us to be radically honest with our selves and to really take the time to take a closer look at our limiting beliefs and world view. It is also to underline the level of responsibility it places on ourselves when it comes to making the changes we want. We can only change what we are aware of and that which we own.
It tends to be that the more important and meaningful our wanted change are, the louder that inner fearful voice screams. Sometimes paralyzingly so, and that is when we need to be courageously willing to examine ourselves. And that can be scary! Understandably so, because often something needs to die in order for us to transform, an old idea, inherited beliefs or perhaps we need to check in with our value system!?
In embarking upon the task of overcoming ones fears the big key though is to be able to endure the uncomfortable feelings and inner sense of resistance you experience when you act on your higher will for the changes you want to make happen. And when you do that, for sure, there will be a loud inner voice shouting don’t do it! Usually with great supporting argument!
When it comes to fear we need to know that daring it, having courage enough to go against it, is key in order to create the changes we want!
12 Things to keep in mind when defying your fears;
It will feel like you are wrong (be prepared for it!)
Take a step back and evaluate, question your fears and look for other perspectives
Analyze if your beliefs about yourself and/or the situation are correct
Make an analysis of the situation and your options
Make your wants into clear goals and produce a strategy for achieving them
Be kind to yourself in the process, take notice of when you are being harsh and criticizing towards yourself and question the that behavior
Ask for help with the things you don’t know how to do
It will feel exciting too, and at times after the high states of emotional excitement you might experience a sort of emotional recoil that sends you back into anxiety. Notice it for what it is; an answer to your expansion!
Be brave, and see to it that your needs are being met in these trying times of making change
View your mistakes as education
Find support in trusted friends and family, no need to go at it alone
Celebrate the steps you take in the right direction, one small step after the other! Rarely are change made in big steps, it’s the one small step after the other that makes for big changes
Another thing that I have notices being of importance is to embrace all your feelings that surfaces and to find the humor in all the challenges that we experience when facing our fears. I find it helpful to warmly smile at my emotional drama and to again recognize my active fears, embrace them as a sign that I’m still on my path of expansion and growth.
The way I see it is that we only have two qualities that govern our choices. We can make our choice from fear or we can make our choices from a place of love. Every time we chose love we take a step closer to expressing who we truly are, and we take back the power we have given away to fear. Hence, following our fears will ultimately take us to freedom when we make our choices not based on fear but courageously inspired by love!
By Susanne Halsius Coaching I Leadership training I Keynote Speaker
I’m in the business of helping people transform and grow. That is, to be their best, but not as a role – “being perfect” but rather to get to the knowing that you are enough the way you are! Authenticity is where we find our power. Being Authentic is to embrace all of you, the dark and the light. That is my passion!
I help my clients through coaching, therapy and workshops as well as through inspiring lectures. My lectures touch on the thematical axis of self awareness, consciousness, love and leadership.