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Do You Love Like This?

Written by: Mark D. Lakowske, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.

 

I could have published this article on Valentine's day because it’s about love… but I chose not to, because we need to remember that love is more than just one day ‒ love is every day. Love is who & what we truly are. It’s our essence. It’s what we all desire and seek out. Love is what we leave behind and take with us. I’ve witnessed with my clients that self-love is the key that unlocks their healing. Love is what it’s all about and it’s what this article is all about.

Personally, I believe there is much to be learned & gained from many different thought theories & beliefs. Regardless of what you subscribe to in faith or religion I believe 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is a wonderful guidance for loving. When it comes to loving ourselves and others better; for several years now I have asked people one simple question… Do you love like it says in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7? 1 Corinthians 13:4-7New International Version (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. Do we love this way though? What if we applied this to ourselves, significant others or family or friends? A good way to see if you or they are loving by this measure is to take out the word “Love” and replace “Love” with your own name or "I" or even your significant other, family or friends’ name. For example: Mark is patient, Mark is Kind. or “I” am patient, “I” am kind. Etc. is patient, is kind. does not envy, does not boast, is not proud. is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs. does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. never fails.


Let’s briefly look at each of the keywords in the statements and get a little more clarity on what they mean. When it comes to patience, patience is the quality and the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous (but not a door-mat or pushover), and considerate. The green-eyed monster of jealousy & envy can be described as a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck. To boast is the act of showing excessive pride and self-satisfaction in one's achievements, possessions, or abilities. In other words, are you only putting yourself first? While it’s important to put yourself first when it comes to your own life and self-love, it can be problematic in relationships when things aren’t balanced and little to no consideration is given to others. Going along with boasting is pride. Now I believe that it’s okay to be proud. It’s wonderful to be proud of your children or what you’ve done or can do as in your talents. There is nothing wrong with knowing you are good at something. It’s another matter to be arrogant or boastful about it. Pride is a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired. Again it’s about perspective and balance. No one likes to be around rude people. The quality of rudeness is being offensively impolite or ill-mannered. It’s not a loving way to be. Self-seeking is a fine edge sword in that being self-seeking can be a good thing when it comes to yourself and advancing your life. It’s about having concern for one's own welfare and interests.

Where it becomes unloving is when it’s practiced to the detriment or exclusion of others; when you’re only serving yourself and not serving others. Not easily angered refers to getting a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility towards yourself or others. This isn’t saying you are an angry person, but we all get frustrated from time to time. This can be a block in our relationships and how we relate. Anger and love can’t live in the same space. You can’t be angry and show yourself love. You can’t be angry at someone and love them…not in a way that is healthy and good. Keeping no record of wrongs means you should not hold grudges or take vengeance. Be willing to freely forgive. Realize that the act of forgiveness is for yourself. It will change how you feel. It will set you free from entanglement. The other person makes his or her own decisions. Any physical involvement of the other person would mean an act of reconciliation; but when you forgive you are working only with your own part in forgiving. As Iyanala VanZant says “Forgiveness is for giving and for receiving love.” The act of not delighting in evil but instead rejoicing with the truth is all about what you are choosing to believe and root for and give your time, attention & energy too. Do you find yourself tempted to enjoy injustice or wrong choices? Are you contributing to the negative or harmful? Do you tear yourself or others down with your thoughts, feelings, words or actions? If you are then you aren’t motivated by love for yourself or others. On the opposite side of the coin is the truth or what is right, good and just. It’s the motivation of love. It’s the desire for yourself or others to want what is good, best & true. It’s offering an honest understanding and acceptance towards the self & others with love. The next key words to break down would be in this line – “ always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”. Protection is pretty obvious. Are you loving in a way that keeps yourself/others safe from harm or injury. Trust is the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. Hope is a feeling of expectation and desire. In this case hoping for the best and holding yourself or others or even the relationship/situation in possibility and then surrendering it. The word preserves talks about continuing in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success. This is about doing all you can. The caveat to this is in cases of the “Three A’s” Abuse, Addiction or Adultery. Staying in a relationship of any kind whether it be between your spouse or partner, family member or friend that falls into the category of the “Three A’s” are always ones to remove yourself from. If you are experiencing any of that within yourself you aren’t showing yourself love and I encourage you to seek out the appropriate assistance. One note on the last line “ never fails.” This can be a hard one for people. I know for myself it is. While it may feel like you’ve failed in love, remember it is okay to fail. We all do it and we all fall short…but we have to get back up. We never “fail” when we fail forward. In other words, we are never starting from scratch, rather we are always starting smarter. So really when we are looking at this line, as long as you are learning something from the failures and growing in some way from them then I believe you never really fail. Once you insert your name into the passages, then sit for a moment and look at this new reading and ask the question – Are you? Are you patient, are you kind and so on? If you are, that's fantastic! If you aren't, that's okay too, but it shows us areas that you might need to work on so that you are being more loving to yourself and others. This is also a great exercise to use when choosing your partner, or other people you are associated with. If you answered that your significant other wasn’t kind to you, is that someone you want to be with? Is that an area in your relationship that needs work on? If they or you are only self-seeking and not giving equal attention to you or the relationship it shows areas to work on or change. The same holds true for any other people in your life. When it comes to applying this to others I need to state something very important. If you find while doing this exercise that anyone, ANYONE, is hurting you or abusing you in


Anyway, that is NOT okay. It is unacceptable and you should not have those people in your life.


I know for myself I do try very hard to live up to this standard as much as I can. I don’t believe anyone can live up to it 100% perfectly all of the time; however, if we make this our compass we can get back onto the path when we stray.


Loving in this way can truly help you to change your life and the lives of others in a positive way. As the Beatles sang – “All we need is love” – I would add to that all the other aspects that we talked about above to round that love out!


No matter where you are in the world, If you need support and help to quickly and easily change your limiting beliefs I’m here for you. Please feel free to reach out to me at the following link – https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=15720143 Or visit my website at mdlhealingartistry.com


Your Favorite Hypnotist,

Mark D. Lakowske CTC® CMHT®


For more info, follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, or visit my website!


 

Mark D. Lakowske, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Multiple award-winning & internationally renowned clinical hypnotherapist Mark D. Lakowske has trained practitioners worldwide in his groundbreaking methods. Through this and his own practice, he has helped improve the lives of tens of thousands of people in countries ranging from the United States to Australia & New Zealand. Mark is an author of three books & regularly tours the world, contributing ideas to the development of hypnotherapy practice. His passion & drive is assisting people to overcome the overwhelming & live with more confident joy & happiness!

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